It’s Wednesday, it’s raining lightly, it’s a bit chilly here in the Pacific Northwest. Inevitably my mind is going to wander to…. the subject of sex. Yes folks, we here at Far Beyond The Stars are taking it there, and we’re going all in.

Minimalism and sex fit together like…

Sex is a powerful thing, it’s one of those rituals in life that can save you, or destroy you; bring you vast pleasures, or immense sorrow. Some folks sleep with a few people in their lives, others sleep with legions of horny individuals. I, personally, have taken a very minimalist approach to sex (at least until my girlfriend and I are in the same room, together again.)

Mom and dad, don’t read any further, I beg of you. You’ll just feel gross afterward.

Now, Minimal sex isn’t no sex. Having no sex is what inanimate objects do, and we’re living, breathing life forms, so don’t deny yourself, please. But if you must have sex with strangers you meet in dirty bars, rock protected! People really do get diseases if they’re not careful.

Here are my five guidelines to Minimalist Sex.

Quality over quantity.
People get their kicks a lot of different ways, but in my experience, the best sex is the kind you’re having with one person. Doing it five times a day can be exhilarating, but as a seasoned professional, I’d like to suggest keeping the volume down as well. Too much sex can lead to boredom, burnout, and eventual disinterest (and potential injury!) Infrequent sex keeps your mutual interest going strong.

Keep it simple.
Women and men like it many ways, but some of them like particular ways more than others. Ask your partner which position she likes best, and make that your exclusive focus–experimentation is fun once in awhile, but for your average lovely before-sleep sex? Keep it simple.

Take it slow and easy (at least for a little while.)
This is universal, at least in my experience: everyone likes it to start slow. Light some candles, undress one item at a time. If you take it slower, the experience will last longer and also be more pleasurable for both of you. You’re not jack-hammering concrete here, you’re engaging intimately with a human being.

Make every time count.
Ask yourself the question, before you’re yanking your clothes off in front of someone that you don’t know too well: “Will this make me feel better about myself?” because, it really does matter. Meaningless sex is just that, meaningless. So why are you doing it when you can meaninglessly masturbate?

Wait for it.
The minimalist approach to sex defines waiting in two ways: one, make your sex last as long as possible (see take it slow.) and two, don’t have it all the time! Infrequent sex can be extremely rewarding, because you’ll spend a week waiting in eager anticipation for the lovin’ to go down.

Only with someone you love.
A minimalist doesn’t give his or her love indiscriminately. They wait until they’re with someone who they adore with the utmost enthusiasm, and then they let lose with their extreme lovemaking power.

There are a million things you can do in the world that are more rewarding than having sex with someone who you don’t like. So instead of going back to not-so-sure-about’s place and banging with your eyes closed, go take a yoga class! Or eat fresh vegetables! Or sit on your roof and watch the sunset. I promise you, that the sunset is so much better.

If you liked this story, email it to your boyfriend, girlfriend, or fuck-buddy friend who you adore dearly but don’t really want to go out to dinner with. Maybe they’ll reward you with something nice. If you’re sitting all alone in your room wishing you had a lover, tweet about it!

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